The scars on my skin
They tell a story
They tell the pain
The hurt
The past
The scars on my skin
Is how I feel
Its how I dealt with some stress with pain
It helps me to heal
Its not good for me
But they are there
For many painful reasons
They tell a story
The scar on my skin
I can never take away
I can never say they are invisible
I can never tell you how it all started
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
The scars on my skin
They make me cry
They make me wonder why in the hell did I start that crap
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
Many times kids will give me strange looks
Parents alike, and complete strangers
I feel self conscious
I feel my skin looks ugly
I've never told anyone why I did it
Or how they got there
I rub them as if they are being pained
I don't know what to do
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
There were nights I felt uncertain
I didn't know if my father was going to lash out
If he was coming home
If he was going to be nice after several drinks
If he was going to die while driving under the influence
If anyone was going to get hurt
I hoped that everyone around him would make him that night
I cried! I cried to God.
The scars on my skin
Was from all the fights my parents had
The pain my father brought with his addictions
And how he dealt with them was no good to anyone
He would go to jail
And somehow I felt force to feel proud of the dad that gave no positive example to us kids
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
He hurt my family
He hurt my siblings
We don't talk about it
We aren't always very close
But we love each other
And we know it
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
Its hard for all of us
I had to move far away
I couldn't take it
I needed the pain to stop
To stop the cycle
It was hard decision to make
The scars on my skin....
They tell a story
The scars on my skin
Are a constant reminder of the past
They me remind me their is hope for better things to come
They tell a story
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
My experience has made me; I hope a better person
They tell a story
The scars on my skin
Have been changing though
I have added tattoos
Some on top of the scars
They get different stares
It reminds me of my change of outlook in life
They tell a story too
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
They are colorful now; with tattoos over some of them
Of animals
Of the ones I love
They are all soo brave
They also tell a story
The scars on my skin
They tell a story
I pray each day to God to bless others
To help them to see the light at the end of the tunnel
To have hope
To have faith
To pray
To stop the cycle
They tell a story
VLRAnaya
Thursday, November 19, 2015
Tuesday, August 18, 2015
The Great Outdoors
One of the many things in life that's absolutely wonderful is inviting new surroundings.
By that is going out of your home and stepping into nature such as hiking, camping, backpacking, sleeping under the stars in an area there is away from the city and so on...
Stop for a moment and breathe, smell that? That's the air inviting you to learn more about Mother Nature.
What better way than to get out and explore the world that you live in.
A friend of mines, my best friend to be exact, invited me to go camping. Since, I've gone more than 15 times in the last 9 years. Camping allowed me to be away from electronics, focus on making food with people I love and exploring what's around. It gave me a sense of gratification for what God has given me.
There are many people in this world that live like this but not by choice. Its either they were born into poverty, live in third world countries, don't have the resources to provide, had no money, was fired and could no longer provide, do drugs, are alcoholic or well, there is a many of things that could be the reason, and they do it everyday. But you as an individual, you are able to do LOADS for you and (if you already started a family) your family. You have the ability to do so much more.
In turn, you can also give back.
One of the many things my Papá taught me was to give back to those that aren't able to give.
Of the things I learned from a person I once met, they didn't have anything at all but they were stubborn and gave me the only thing they had as a way of gratitude, it was a piece of chocolate in a never been open wrapper. You can tell that person it meant the world to them. The look on their face will never leave me. It saddens me that I don't know whatever happened to them and I sure as hell hope, that they are able to find a home to live, and a job to provide, clothes to put on their back and a roof to keep them safe and taken care of.
When I am in nature, I go back and think, "wow, years and years ago, in the "Stone Ages" people lived out in the open. They sought protection from rocks, wood, they made themselves their own homes and found ways to feed themselves, their families, their villages. We have grown in society and life has advance sooo much. I am grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to experience life in the wild, I know its no where near the same, but its something. God is good. He helps and serves his people. He loves us and allows us for such great and wonderful gifts. Wow. I am lucky and blessed."
My Papá is a man that has taught me wonderful things, one is to love life and to be grateful for the small things. My best friend has taught me how to explore my surroundings and enjoy what great gifts we have been given.
Most recently, one of my friends and I went hiking. This was actually her first time going out. We didn't hike too much, I felt bad, but I didn't have the proper shoes. My shoes has taken a turn for the worse after my run at the Dirty Dash (don't know what it is, its fun, difficult but a good challenge mud run/ fun run-ish...haha). So, while our hike, she got to notice things she had not noticed before. It was wonderful. It was like a sweet child seeing the world for the first time but only this is an adult, a funny adult, I say that because she is funny, a little weird at times, but I suppose some friends are. She had never seen nature at its best.
My sister recently went camping. This will be her second time. I had kept trying to get her out to go camping and now she LOVES it. Haha, sisters win (as in me, I win, haha).
Going back to my first hiking trip, these were the highlights, having your tent fall on top of you because your friends play a joke on you and you wake up really confused and then start laughing (because you finally understand what happened). Whale watching, it was at the beach in the Spring, this is the best time to go for the reason the whales are traveling to warmer water to Mexico for mating season. Its a beautiful sight to see whales. And spending quality time with the people you love (this is not all in the right order).
If you ever go, make sure to bring a friend, better yet a family member and someone that has gone camping before. If you go hiking, ALWAYS travel with a buddy. You never know. Its best to be safe. Never start a fire when they say no fires please, it will put you and everyone else in danger. Bring snacks. Loads. Bring water. Bug spray. A camera, of course. Bring a book to read. And bring a light spirit and a spirit of adventure. Enjoy. Remember to thank God for his wonderful gifts he gives us. Nature. Peace. Water. Family. Friends and etc.
And leave sometime for yourself. No electronics. They are not acceptable. This is time to be away from them. Enjoy.
By that is going out of your home and stepping into nature such as hiking, camping, backpacking, sleeping under the stars in an area there is away from the city and so on...
Stop for a moment and breathe, smell that? That's the air inviting you to learn more about Mother Nature.
What better way than to get out and explore the world that you live in.
A friend of mines, my best friend to be exact, invited me to go camping. Since, I've gone more than 15 times in the last 9 years. Camping allowed me to be away from electronics, focus on making food with people I love and exploring what's around. It gave me a sense of gratification for what God has given me.
There are many people in this world that live like this but not by choice. Its either they were born into poverty, live in third world countries, don't have the resources to provide, had no money, was fired and could no longer provide, do drugs, are alcoholic or well, there is a many of things that could be the reason, and they do it everyday. But you as an individual, you are able to do LOADS for you and (if you already started a family) your family. You have the ability to do so much more.
In turn, you can also give back.
One of the many things my Papá taught me was to give back to those that aren't able to give.
Of the things I learned from a person I once met, they didn't have anything at all but they were stubborn and gave me the only thing they had as a way of gratitude, it was a piece of chocolate in a never been open wrapper. You can tell that person it meant the world to them. The look on their face will never leave me. It saddens me that I don't know whatever happened to them and I sure as hell hope, that they are able to find a home to live, and a job to provide, clothes to put on their back and a roof to keep them safe and taken care of.
When I am in nature, I go back and think, "wow, years and years ago, in the "Stone Ages" people lived out in the open. They sought protection from rocks, wood, they made themselves their own homes and found ways to feed themselves, their families, their villages. We have grown in society and life has advance sooo much. I am grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to experience life in the wild, I know its no where near the same, but its something. God is good. He helps and serves his people. He loves us and allows us for such great and wonderful gifts. Wow. I am lucky and blessed."
My Papá is a man that has taught me wonderful things, one is to love life and to be grateful for the small things. My best friend has taught me how to explore my surroundings and enjoy what great gifts we have been given.
Most recently, one of my friends and I went hiking. This was actually her first time going out. We didn't hike too much, I felt bad, but I didn't have the proper shoes. My shoes has taken a turn for the worse after my run at the Dirty Dash (don't know what it is, its fun, difficult but a good challenge mud run/ fun run-ish...haha). So, while our hike, she got to notice things she had not noticed before. It was wonderful. It was like a sweet child seeing the world for the first time but only this is an adult, a funny adult, I say that because she is funny, a little weird at times, but I suppose some friends are. She had never seen nature at its best.
My sister recently went camping. This will be her second time. I had kept trying to get her out to go camping and now she LOVES it. Haha, sisters win (as in me, I win, haha).
Going back to my first hiking trip, these were the highlights, having your tent fall on top of you because your friends play a joke on you and you wake up really confused and then start laughing (because you finally understand what happened). Whale watching, it was at the beach in the Spring, this is the best time to go for the reason the whales are traveling to warmer water to Mexico for mating season. Its a beautiful sight to see whales. And spending quality time with the people you love (this is not all in the right order).
If you ever go, make sure to bring a friend, better yet a family member and someone that has gone camping before. If you go hiking, ALWAYS travel with a buddy. You never know. Its best to be safe. Never start a fire when they say no fires please, it will put you and everyone else in danger. Bring snacks. Loads. Bring water. Bug spray. A camera, of course. Bring a book to read. And bring a light spirit and a spirit of adventure. Enjoy. Remember to thank God for his wonderful gifts he gives us. Nature. Peace. Water. Family. Friends and etc.
And leave sometime for yourself. No electronics. They are not acceptable. This is time to be away from them. Enjoy.
Wednesday, August 5, 2015
Love for Music
I love music! Its my joy! :)
Music is my life. Its my muse. Growing up that's what I listened to. Its a great get away from the things that happen in life.
As many people do, I can relate to certain songs that go on the radio, or my, you know, music I have at home, popular music but also, I like rocking out to my tunes. I hear anything from Classic Rock, Frank Sinatra, Cumbia, Merengue, Zamba, Tango, Beethoven, The Beach Boys, The Beattles, Nickelback and so much more. I have a large taste in good beats. Some can say, I'm a well rounded person. In fact, in a questionnaire, for one of the places I worked, read I am a well rounded person. It really did! It surprised me, not really sure why, but it did. The presenter that was going through the book that had the questionnaire was impressed and then told the audience and myself there are not many with those results. He congratulated the two of us (one of which was me).
Music ... it helps me to get through my day.
I love it. It sings to me. I've always had the wish to have the talent to sing. I'm no singer though, haha, but I try... One day, some day, I will take singing lessons. When I'm rich just not famous of course, haha.
By the way, I'm a little random, and by little, I mean a lot. There is a lot of truth there. Actually, that's the truth. Haha.
I still sing even though I am no Celine Dion (she is one of my favorite singers). One of my friends tells me "don't lose your day job", so of course, I sing worse... on purpose, haha. It makes us laugh. Especially when I accidentally choke on my own voice, we really can't stop laughing when that happens. Haha. Wow, we are dorks. its all good though.
Laughing its a wonderful medicine. I think I'm addicted. That sounds strange, haha. Think about it though, laughter can get you through everything/anything in life.
I, myself, constantly find myself laughing at the silly little things that happen in life. Its a God given gift just like music, its a gift given to us.
For example, I saw a very beautiful man I saw at a store, I caught myself just looking at him. I never do that, thankfully he was a good sport, he noticed me and gave me a gorgeous smile. To which, I promptly felt embarrassed, but damn, those eyes and smile were (are) gorgeous! And the fact that I caught myself, made me a laugh a little, I was caught. Dang it. He was a nice guy. So, funny that, that happened.
Music sometimes spell things out for me better than I ever can. It helps me to keep grounded and centered. It helps me to feel calm, and happy. When I need a good cry. It helps me to cry. I have a hard time crying at times. Its a long story. But damn, I love me my music.
Sometimes right after work, I go home or to the gym, either way, I listen to music. I keep myself zoned in the work out or cleaning (it takes me an hour longer to clean the bathroom because I start dancing and singing to whatever song is playing, true story. :) Yeah, I know, funny.
Maybe, my parents listened to music while I was in my mother's belly still growing. Hmm, I wonder? I think I will ask them later.
As of a couple days ago, I found out that I have something that I developed when I first started getting migraines for the first time (they started a month ago and I still have them, its terrible, not fun, good grief, I do not like them! And I feel for everyone that suffers with the stinkers), so, whatever I developed, its normally developed in older adults. I'm only in my early 30's. So, to not think about it I have been keeping myself busy listening to music, when I can anyways. I don't know to what degree my diagnosis is. I don't want to think about it. I have an appointment soon to know more. I'm feeling a little shaken up (that's an understatement) but I hope I have better news than what I have now.
Music, like I said, its been apart of my life but since I haven't been feeling well, I simply, haven't been able to listen to music for almost three weeks. Music to me, is therapy, its veryyy therapeutic, I enjoy it. It calms my nerves and it helps me to zone in. I'm sure many musicians and other people alike, feel the same way about music, and currently I am missing it.
To a person that grew up to listen to music from the moment I get up, to almost, the moment I go to bed. It really helps, it influences me in positive ways.
I still will always remember since I was a child we always listened to music all through out the day at my house. It didn't matter what was going on. We always listened to music. Its what we did. Its a family thing.
Today, that's what I will continue to do.
Music will always be apart of my life.
God bless.
Music is my life. Its my muse. Growing up that's what I listened to. Its a great get away from the things that happen in life.
As many people do, I can relate to certain songs that go on the radio, or my, you know, music I have at home, popular music but also, I like rocking out to my tunes. I hear anything from Classic Rock, Frank Sinatra, Cumbia, Merengue, Zamba, Tango, Beethoven, The Beach Boys, The Beattles, Nickelback and so much more. I have a large taste in good beats. Some can say, I'm a well rounded person. In fact, in a questionnaire, for one of the places I worked, read I am a well rounded person. It really did! It surprised me, not really sure why, but it did. The presenter that was going through the book that had the questionnaire was impressed and then told the audience and myself there are not many with those results. He congratulated the two of us (one of which was me).
Music ... it helps me to get through my day.
I love it. It sings to me. I've always had the wish to have the talent to sing. I'm no singer though, haha, but I try... One day, some day, I will take singing lessons. When I'm rich just not famous of course, haha.
By the way, I'm a little random, and by little, I mean a lot. There is a lot of truth there. Actually, that's the truth. Haha.
I still sing even though I am no Celine Dion (she is one of my favorite singers). One of my friends tells me "don't lose your day job", so of course, I sing worse... on purpose, haha. It makes us laugh. Especially when I accidentally choke on my own voice, we really can't stop laughing when that happens. Haha. Wow, we are dorks. its all good though.
Laughing its a wonderful medicine. I think I'm addicted. That sounds strange, haha. Think about it though, laughter can get you through everything/anything in life.
I, myself, constantly find myself laughing at the silly little things that happen in life. Its a God given gift just like music, its a gift given to us.
For example, I saw a very beautiful man I saw at a store, I caught myself just looking at him. I never do that, thankfully he was a good sport, he noticed me and gave me a gorgeous smile. To which, I promptly felt embarrassed, but damn, those eyes and smile were (are) gorgeous! And the fact that I caught myself, made me a laugh a little, I was caught. Dang it. He was a nice guy. So, funny that, that happened.
Music sometimes spell things out for me better than I ever can. It helps me to keep grounded and centered. It helps me to feel calm, and happy. When I need a good cry. It helps me to cry. I have a hard time crying at times. Its a long story. But damn, I love me my music.
Sometimes right after work, I go home or to the gym, either way, I listen to music. I keep myself zoned in the work out or cleaning (it takes me an hour longer to clean the bathroom because I start dancing and singing to whatever song is playing, true story. :) Yeah, I know, funny.
Maybe, my parents listened to music while I was in my mother's belly still growing. Hmm, I wonder? I think I will ask them later.
As of a couple days ago, I found out that I have something that I developed when I first started getting migraines for the first time (they started a month ago and I still have them, its terrible, not fun, good grief, I do not like them! And I feel for everyone that suffers with the stinkers), so, whatever I developed, its normally developed in older adults. I'm only in my early 30's. So, to not think about it I have been keeping myself busy listening to music, when I can anyways. I don't know to what degree my diagnosis is. I don't want to think about it. I have an appointment soon to know more. I'm feeling a little shaken up (that's an understatement) but I hope I have better news than what I have now.
Music, like I said, its been apart of my life but since I haven't been feeling well, I simply, haven't been able to listen to music for almost three weeks. Music to me, is therapy, its veryyy therapeutic, I enjoy it. It calms my nerves and it helps me to zone in. I'm sure many musicians and other people alike, feel the same way about music, and currently I am missing it.
To a person that grew up to listen to music from the moment I get up, to almost, the moment I go to bed. It really helps, it influences me in positive ways.
I still will always remember since I was a child we always listened to music all through out the day at my house. It didn't matter what was going on. We always listened to music. Its what we did. Its a family thing.
Today, that's what I will continue to do.
Music will always be apart of my life.
God bless.
Monday, July 13, 2015
Changes
Changes are always made for the best. Many of us, do not like changes but understand the phenomenon what happens when changes are accepted positively. I like change. Change is good. Well, depends.
Many times I get asked why I moved so far away from my family, I couldn't tell you why, its a loooonnnggg story. I don't think you'd understand. It starts with my youth but lets not dwell on that. The change to move out of my parents home came to pass almost 15 years ago, not quite, but really close.
Since, I have lived on my own. I cannot begin to express how glad I did it. I have been able to focus on me. Understand what ticks and what doesn't. I have been able to travel. Not much but a little. I have enjoyed it. I have gone camping several times. The time with the mother nature and me; its wonderfully delicious. I have been able to feel. I have been to understand what's good and what's not. I have rebelled. Yes, I said it, I have rebelled. I have some tattoos. Art is a gift that is given to us and many will use it in different forms. I have designed some of my tattoos. I have started my own art portfolio, alas. I have grown. I have seen. I understand more. I am not as naïve as I once was. I am more informed. I give back. I love. I live. I enjoy my life.
Changes has taught me many wonderful lessons. Its a process. Its a good process. One day, you will know what it is to live, to love, to forgive, to let go, to get up thousands of times and to be happy without being dependent of someone else's happiness. And I hope, that through out that, you have faith in God. Don't ever give up. Don't ever give in. Don't ever stop believing.
Many times I get asked why I moved so far away from my family, I couldn't tell you why, its a loooonnnggg story. I don't think you'd understand. It starts with my youth but lets not dwell on that. The change to move out of my parents home came to pass almost 15 years ago, not quite, but really close.
Since, I have lived on my own. I cannot begin to express how glad I did it. I have been able to focus on me. Understand what ticks and what doesn't. I have been able to travel. Not much but a little. I have enjoyed it. I have gone camping several times. The time with the mother nature and me; its wonderfully delicious. I have been able to feel. I have been to understand what's good and what's not. I have rebelled. Yes, I said it, I have rebelled. I have some tattoos. Art is a gift that is given to us and many will use it in different forms. I have designed some of my tattoos. I have started my own art portfolio, alas. I have grown. I have seen. I understand more. I am not as naïve as I once was. I am more informed. I give back. I love. I live. I enjoy my life.
Changes has taught me many wonderful lessons. Its a process. Its a good process. One day, you will know what it is to live, to love, to forgive, to let go, to get up thousands of times and to be happy without being dependent of someone else's happiness. And I hope, that through out that, you have faith in God. Don't ever give up. Don't ever give in. Don't ever stop believing.
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