Struggle

Sometimes I struggle

I struggle with expressing my inner most feelings

I struggle with accepting that at my wedding my Papá won't be the one that is giving me away like I always wanted

I wish he was here today

Sometimes I struggle

Sometimes I want to cry

I want to cry because as I plan my future with my handsome I wish I could see the faces of certain people that I really love

But they are far, far away in a Heaven full of Angels and watching from above

Sometimes I want to just cry

Sometimes I hurt

I hurt because when I see how girls have their daddy's that are there

All I think of the many hurt and can never trust my dad

I hurt and I never tell a soul

Sometimes I hurt

Sometimes I can't do it

I want to do it all

I want to light up the world but

Sometimes I can't do it

Sometimes I struggle

By: VLRA

Father's Day Blues

There is a special day; comes up every year like clock work

It sticks out like a sore thumb in every store, in every corner
Then you immediately realize, "Shit! Father's Day. I wish you didn't come up so quick".
And if your anything like me; the next thought, "God, I hate that day".
You realize you have the Father's Day Blues

So as you walk the isles
You avoid the greeting cards like the plague
You avoid the balloons that are unusually large
You avoid the pictures frames that say Dad's #1
You avoid even the stupid Father's Day Movies that make you cry
And try not to act so strange and then you realize
You have the Father's Day Blues

And all you want to do is just cry
To sit away from all in sight
Because there is a piece to your heart that is missing
But you do your best to remember they are in a better place
Because of them you are better person.
And you think they no longer have to suffer or see the world fall apart
God is good and keeps him close; so you can give him a quick hello
And you know the Father's Day Blues is not so fun
But you make do or try to

Even still it makes you sad
To think about your Papá gone
Your first love, your first friend,
The one that got you up when you were down
He gave you hugs and kept you safe
He sacrifice to have you with the family
He even visited when both you and him were very far

Not once was there was ever an excuse
To share his love to you and family
He always told you that he cared
You a special girl though you may have not felt all that special at that moment and time.
He just knew how to make you smile
It made you cry that he is not here
You realized you have the Father's Day Blues

But the Father's Day Blues won't be for far too long
Because though he isn't here physically,
You can always have him in your heart
And in your mind and in your life
It will get easier with time
Still hard ...I know

You just have to remember to always say,
"I love you Papá and I miss you too.
You are my biggest fan!
God bless you Papá
I am your biggest fan!

You are the reason I stay so strong
You showed me light when I saw darkness
You showed me love and sacrifice.
You showed me that there was always time to have some fun;
No excuses to never call
You never forgot that I was here
I'm grateful for what you did
You are missed
I hope to hug you tight one day and give you a huge smooch when I see you next
Thank you for being my number one dad
God has me blessed
You are the best. You are the best."

- Veronica Lizet
06/10/2016

@Copy Right

I miss you Papá Mundo. Wishing you were here.  <3 <3 <3 <3

Not all Police Officers are Bad People

I was talking to a mutual friend about my funny conversation with a Police Officer I had had earlier that day (this took place about 4-5 years ago). I had been translating for him and someone that is Deaf. After words, he had decided to see my writing skills. I think he was bored or had a long day, I don't remember why he asked to see my bad writing skills. So anyways I amused him and tried to write with my left hand (which is the one I always write with) and then my right hand (I write poorly, its like chicken scratch). And this Officer is one of the few police officers I get to talk to on occasion (very nice guy) due to work and trainings I'd go to for work. He started to make me laugh with the most ridiculous commentary he was saying. Gosh, I was really struggling trying to be serious. I was really, really trying to be serious but I just couldn't do it. I gave up and just gave in to laughter. Dang him. Lol!

Anyway, this mutual friend that I talked to was just really negative towards police officers. Everything they had told me of their encounters with a police officer was not actually negative; its just their relative happen to not make good choices AT ALL. This mutual friend told me their relative always did something bad that cause the Police to show up for the purpose to serve and protect the community and in this case, also to protect her relative from themselves (they were suicidal) and other times they weren't making wise decisions. I was astonished of all the negative commentary. 

I don't think this person really understood the job of a Police Officer and why we need them. I can count on ONE hand how many times I've had a bad experience (it was two times). But I know for a fact, I can count on both my hands and feet how many times I've had a great experience with Police Officers. And I use to do stuff that required police to be involved to make sure everyone was safe. The places that I'd go to is at 5K's, 10K's, half and full marathons (I would walk the 5K's), film festivals, Interpreting, and work.

It made me sad that this mutual friend I talked to was just so negative. 

I will be the first to say, I'm sorry to all those that feel negative feelings towards them. I am truly sorry you have had a bad experience. I hope that you have better experiences. I hope that you have an experience where they can teach you that not all Law Enforcement Officers are bad people and they can be your friend. They are just as human as you and I. I pray that you are able to soften your heart. They risk their lives every day to help protect you, us, me, our families, our communities, our kids and sometimes even ourselves. They too have families too that they need to return to. I wish this person the best. I hope one day they have an experience like mines when you are trying to be serious but you simply can't do it because the person that you are talking to is really just a silly Police Officer being themselves.

Missing Papá

My reflections for today:

Today while speaking to a customer, I just wanted to cry, suddenly I was reminded how life is short and at times a little harder when you are just wishing the people or person you want so bad by your side but they can't be there physically but are there spiritually watching over you. I can't remember anything the customer said that triggered tears but I remember April 15th... the anniversary of Papá Mundo's passing. Its been almost 2 yrs now and it was like it was yesterday he said Good bye. It was the hardest thing ever. I was at my friends home when I got the call. I almost dropped my phone and I said, "I think I gotta go". I could no longer think or concentrate. Everything else was a blur.

I think it was God's gift to allow him, my Papá, to be fully aware of who I am so I can speak with him and to remind me of the joy it was for him to be here in Utah with me. God I miss him! Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. His a wonderful human being and I wish you guys all met him. You'd love him too. God, please let these next couple of days be good to me. I don't want to start crying in front of my customers. I almost did today.\

El dia de hoy, estaba hablando con un customer, y no recuerdo que dijieron pero yo queria llorar. Me acorde que a veces la vida se siente corta y hay veces que el dia es algo más dificil cuando hay un deseo grande en tu corazon a tener la persona que te hace falta pero te recuerdas que ellos no estan aqui fisicamente p q esta en los cielitos. Pero aun haci, ellos te estan viendo desde haya y cuidandote. A veces nosotros nos olvidamos pero ellos se recuerdan de nosotros. Bueno, lo unico q recuerdo de la conversaccion con el customer es el 15 de Abril. El dia que se fallecio mi Papá Mundo. Era hace 2 años. Ya casi es el aniversario, se siente como por decir, era ayer que se murio. Era un dia muy dificil. Me acuerdo que estaba en la casa de mi amiga y recibi la llamada hayi. Casi deje ir mi cellular q se caiga al suelo. Y lo unico que pude decir "yo creo que es tiempo de irme", y lo demas no se que paso.

Yo creo que por el amor de Dios, me dejo la oportunidad que yo necesitaba. Y eso era hablar con mi Papá Mundo, El bien sabia quien yo era. Me dejo saber que le encanto estar conmigo, a visitar a Utah, estubo bonito. Y solo lo que queria hacer en ese momento es darle un GRAN abrazo. Dios solo sabe cuanto me hace falta. Seria bonito si ustedes lo conoscan porque les encantaria que bonito persona el es. Ojala, en estos otros dias son más facil y ojala no comienso a llorar enfrente de nuestros customers. :\

The scars on my skin

The scars on my skin
They tell a story
They tell the pain
The hurt
The past

The scars on my skin
Is how I feel
Its how I dealt with some stress with pain
It helps me to heal
Its not good for me
But they are there
For many painful reasons
They tell a story

The scar on my skin
I can never take away
I can never say they are invisible
I can never tell you how it all started
The scars on my skin
They tell a story

The scars on my skin
They make me cry
They make me wonder why in the hell did I start that crap
The scars on my skin
They tell a story

Many times kids will give me strange looks
Parents alike, and complete strangers
I feel self conscious
I feel my skin looks ugly
I've never told anyone why I did it
Or how they got there
I rub them as if they are being pained
I don't know what to do

The scars on my skin
They tell a story
There were nights I felt uncertain
I didn't know if my father was going to lash out
If he was coming home
If he was going to be nice after several drinks
If he was going to die while driving under the influence
If anyone was going to get hurt
I hoped that everyone around him would make him that night
I cried! I cried to God.

The scars on my skin
Was from all the fights my parents had
The pain my father brought with his addictions
And how he dealt with them was no good to anyone
He would go to jail
And somehow I felt force to feel proud of the dad that gave no positive example to us kids

The scars on my skin
They tell a story
He hurt my family
He hurt my siblings
We don't talk about it
We aren't always very close
But we love each other
And we know it

The scars on my skin
They tell a story
Its hard for all of us
I had to move far away
I couldn't take it
I needed the pain to stop
To stop the cycle
It was hard decision to make
The scars on my skin....
They tell a story

The scars on my skin
Are a constant reminder of the past
They me remind me their is hope for better things to come
They tell a story

The scars on my skin
They tell a story
My experience has made me; I hope a better person
They tell a story

The scars on my skin
Have been changing though
I have added tattoos
Some on top of the scars
They get different stares
It reminds me of my change of outlook in life
They tell a story too

The scars on my skin
They tell a story
They are colorful now; with tattoos over some of them
Of animals
Of the ones I love
They are all soo brave
They also tell a story

The scars on my skin
They tell a story
I pray each day to God to bless others
To help them to see the light at the end of the tunnel
To have hope
To have faith
To pray
To stop the cycle
They tell a story


VLRAnaya

The Great Outdoors

One of the many things in life that's absolutely wonderful is inviting new surroundings.


By that is going out of your home and stepping into nature such as hiking, camping, backpacking, sleeping under the stars in an area there is away from the city and so on...


Stop for a moment and breathe, smell that? That's the air inviting you to learn more about Mother Nature.


What better way than to get out and explore the world that you live in.


A friend of mines, my best friend to be exact, invited me to go camping. Since, I've gone more than 15 times in the last 9 years. Camping allowed me to be away from electronics, focus on making food with people I love and exploring what's around. It gave me a sense of gratification for what God has given me.


There are many people in this world that live like this but not by choice. Its either they were born into poverty, live in third world countries, don't have the resources to provide, had no money, was fired and could no longer provide, do drugs, are alcoholic or well, there is a many of things that could be the reason, and they do it everyday. But you as an individual, you are able to do LOADS for you and (if you already started a family) your family. You have the ability to do so much more.


In turn, you can also give back.


One of the many things my Papá taught me was to give back to those that aren't able to give.


Of the things I learned from a person I once met, they didn't have anything at all but they were stubborn and gave me the only thing they had as a way of gratitude, it was a piece of chocolate in a never been open wrapper. You can tell that person it meant the world to them. The look on their face will never leave me. It saddens me that I don't know whatever happened to them and I sure as hell hope, that they are able to find a home to live, and a job to provide, clothes to put on their back and a roof to keep them safe and taken care of.


When I am in nature, I go back and think, "wow, years and years ago, in the "Stone Ages" people lived out in the open. They sought protection from rocks, wood, they made themselves their own homes and found ways to feed themselves, their families, their villages. We have grown in society and life has advance sooo much. I am grateful. I am grateful for the opportunity to be able to experience life in the wild, I know its no where near the same, but its something. God is good. He helps and serves his people. He loves us and allows us for such great and wonderful gifts. Wow. I am lucky and blessed."


My Papá is a man that has taught me wonderful things, one is to love life and to be grateful for the small things. My best friend has taught me how to explore my surroundings and enjoy what great gifts we have been given.


Most recently, one of my friends and I went hiking. This was actually her first time going out. We didn't hike too much, I felt bad, but I didn't have the proper shoes. My shoes has taken a turn for the worse after my run at the Dirty Dash (don't know what it is, its fun, difficult but a good challenge mud run/ fun run-ish...haha). So, while our hike, she got to notice things she had not noticed before. It was wonderful. It was like a sweet child seeing the world for the first time but only this is an adult, a funny adult, I say that because she is funny, a little weird at times, but I suppose some friends are. She had never seen nature at its best.


My sister recently went camping. This will be her second time. I had kept trying to get her out to go camping and now she LOVES it. Haha, sisters win (as in me, I win, haha).


Going back to my first hiking trip, these were the highlights, having your tent fall on top of you because your friends play a joke on you and you wake up really confused and then start laughing (because you finally understand what happened). Whale watching, it was at the beach in the Spring, this is the best time to go for the reason the whales are traveling to warmer water to Mexico for mating season. Its a beautiful sight to see whales. And spending quality time with the people you love (this is not all in the right order).


If you ever go, make sure to bring a friend, better yet a family member and someone that has gone camping before. If you go hiking, ALWAYS travel with a buddy. You never know. Its best to be safe. Never start a fire when they say no fires please, it will put you and everyone else in danger. Bring snacks. Loads. Bring water. Bug spray. A camera, of course. Bring a book to read. And bring a light spirit and a spirit of adventure. Enjoy. Remember to thank God for his wonderful gifts he gives us. Nature. Peace. Water. Family. Friends and etc.


And leave sometime for yourself. No electronics. They are not acceptable. This is time to be away from them. Enjoy.

Love for Music

I love music! Its my joy! :)

Music is my life. Its my muse. Growing up that's what I listened to. Its a great get away from the things that happen in life.

As many people do, I can relate to certain songs that go on the radio, or my, you know, music I have at home, popular music but also, I like rocking out to my tunes. I hear anything from Classic Rock, Frank Sinatra, Cumbia, Merengue, Zamba, Tango, Beethoven, The Beach Boys, The Beattles, Nickelback and so much more. I have a large taste in good beats. Some can say, I'm a well rounded person. In fact, in a questionnaire, for one of the places I worked, read I am a well rounded person. It really did! It surprised me, not really sure why, but it did. The presenter that was going through the book that had the questionnaire was impressed and then told the audience and myself there are not many with those results. He congratulated the two of us (one of which was me).

Music ... it helps me to get through my day.

I love it. It sings to me. I've always had the wish to have the talent to sing. I'm no singer though, haha, but I try... One day, some day, I will take singing lessons. When I'm rich just not famous of course, haha.

By the way, I'm a little random, and by little, I mean a lot. There is a lot of truth there. Actually, that's the truth. Haha.

 I still sing even though I am no Celine Dion (she is one of my favorite singers). One of my friends tells me "don't lose your day job", so of course, I sing worse... on purpose, haha. It makes us laugh. Especially when I accidentally choke on my own voice, we really can't stop laughing when that happens. Haha. Wow, we are dorks. its all good though.

Laughing its a wonderful medicine. I think I'm addicted. That sounds strange, haha. Think about it though, laughter can get you through everything/anything in life.

I, myself, constantly find myself laughing at the silly little things that happen in life. Its a God given gift just like music, its a gift given to us.

For example, I saw a very beautiful man I saw at a store, I caught myself just looking at him. I never do that, thankfully he was a good sport, he noticed me and gave me a gorgeous smile. To which, I promptly felt embarrassed, but damn, those eyes and smile were (are) gorgeous! And the fact that I caught myself, made me a laugh a little, I was caught. Dang it. He was a nice guy. So, funny that, that happened.

Music sometimes spell things out for me better than I ever can. It helps me to keep grounded and centered. It helps me to feel calm, and happy. When I need a good cry. It helps me to cry. I have a hard time crying at times. Its a long story. But damn, I love me my music.

Sometimes right after work, I go home or to the gym, either way, I listen to music. I keep myself zoned in the work out or cleaning (it takes me an hour longer to clean the bathroom because I start dancing and singing to whatever song is playing, true story. :) Yeah, I know, funny.

Maybe, my parents listened to music while I was in my mother's belly still growing. Hmm, I wonder? I think I will ask them later.

As of a couple days ago, I found out that I have something that I developed when I first started getting migraines for the first time (they started a month ago and I still have them, its terrible, not fun, good grief, I do not like them! And I feel for everyone that suffers with the stinkers), so, whatever I developed, its normally developed in older adults. I'm only in my early 30's. So, to not think about it I have been keeping myself busy listening to music, when I can anyways. I don't know to what degree my diagnosis is. I don't want to think about it. I have an appointment soon to know more. I'm feeling a little shaken up (that's an understatement) but I hope I have better news than what I have now.

Music, like I said, its been apart of my life but since I haven't been feeling well, I simply, haven't been able to listen to music for almost three weeks. Music to me, is therapy, its veryyy therapeutic, I enjoy it. It calms my nerves and it helps me to zone in. I'm sure many musicians and other people alike, feel the same way about music, and currently I am missing it.

To a person that grew up to listen to music from the moment I get up, to almost, the moment I go to bed. It really helps, it influences me in positive ways.

I still will always remember since I was a child we always listened to music all through out the day at my house. It didn't matter what was going on. We always listened to music. Its what we did. Its a family thing.

Today, that's what I will continue to do.

Music will always be apart of my life.

God bless.